Life is so fragile, you can’t take it for granted. I’ll think of sharing my story another day but I’ll say I know what depression feels like. The thoughts you strive with everyday, when they just won’t go away. You feel trapped. A lot of emotions conspire in your head all at once and it’s not fun. It hurts. If your that person reading this that thinks they are just done with life, done with trying. Please keep reading. I once was someone that didn’t think much of themselves, to be completely honest I thought I was just nothing. Like I was worthless and I would always think, what if I just disappeared? Would anyone even care? I was finally at the point where I thought I had given life enough chances and just convinced myself it wasn’t going to get better. I was just done, tired. I didn’t realize what I was going to leave behind until the night I had my knife in my hand and watched the blood drip down my leg. My sister walked in and saw what I had done, I told her I would run away if she told anyone. She said she wouldn’t but I knew she would, I was planning on running away that next night but that failed. My whole family surrounded me when I got home and that’s when I had to think, apparently I am something because when my mother got pregnant and gave birth to me, I was surely something to her. I started thinking how selfish of me, I didn’t even think about anyone else. What I would have put them through. Life is so valuable, cherish it because once your gone, you can’t come back. I’m still battling with the thoughts and trying to fight the best I can so I won’t pick up that knife again. I was raised a fighter and that’s what I have to do, fight. Even though I’m a fighter, I’ve lost many fights. But, I started looking within the light and prayed to God every night to put me in the right direction I need to be in. If your someone going through a fight, don’t give up. Don’t let em take your light. Keep your chin up even on the rainy days and know God is watching over you. He’s the one father you can always count on to be there for you and love you and look past your mistakes. Even if you think no one cares, believe me there’s someone out there that does. Remember to keep your head up because there’s always a rainbow after a rainy day.
I feel like I need to talk about this so I am. Cutting. When you see that word, what comes to your mind? When I see it, I think of people that are strong and beautiful, male or female, that are going through obstacles in their life. This goes out to girls and guys, we think that self harm helps. You think it makes yourself feel better but it doesn’t, it’s all in your head. Self harm may release stress or the pain but it only lasts for so long, then the stress and pain come back. Then, your back where you started. You have to think, what if one day you cut too deep by accident? There are so many risks that come from this. If you sense you “need” to do self harm, call your friend, talk to your parents, anyone your comfortable with. Keep your self distracted. You think it helps or it’s the answer but it isn’t, your just putting yourself in the wrong direction instead of going into the right one. If you have thoughts let me know, I posted my email in my last post but will list it down below.
Step one, face it. Step two, let go. No matter what has fallen in your past, you must learn to forgive, forget, and let it go. This can be tough for most but for those who look for help, you must learn to let go. Know that you are not alone in what you are facing, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help dosent mean you are weak, it means you are strong. You should never keep it in, trust me I know from experience and coming from someone that’s been through depression and etc, your not alone. I encourage to speak to a psychiatrist, they can also indeed help you and talk you through the letting go process. You can’t overcome depression unless you want to get better for yourself, they can help you but not fix you. You are in control, if you truly want to get better, you have to tell yourself ” Things are going to change, I am going to fight this”. If there’s anyone that wants to talk privately, I’m here to help. You can send me an email at Gracen1201@yahoo.com .
If your that someone struggling through obstacles in life, trying to over come them. Here’s some steps to do so, first step is to face it. No matter how many times you try to run, it will always catch up to you. You can’t run away from your problems no matter how much you wish you could but you should know, it’s not going to be easy. But, it is possible to recover. This process can be tough but once you face it, I can assure you, you will feel better. Some will feel not good enough, worthless, like they have no point to live. Whenever you feel that way, place your hand over your heart. Can you feel it? That is called a purpose. You’re alive for a reason, you are going to go through many opstacles in life but you just have to remember to have hope, and faith within. To be continued. -Gracen Ray
Love is such a powerful word, it can mean so many things. So, we might ask ourselves sometimes, what is Love? In my opinion, Love is a strong feeling or connection that two people feel for one another. That feeling can control of happinesses, excitement, but also can take on fear, nervousness, and etc. You’d be surprised on how much love can affect someone, it’s such a powerful word with a powerful effect. When you truly love someone, no matter what happens and no matter what mistakes get made, you never give up the fight to make things right. If it’s love, you will always be a top priority, you will never have to doubt about the love they have for you because they will find out away to always let you have that closure that they still love you, and will always love you. To let you know they are not going anywhere. -Gracen Ray
Some might think or ask, what does depression feel like? Well I guess you could say it feels as if you are stuck into a hole, in pure darkness, and can’t get out. It sometimes feels like you can’t breathe, just drowning in your own thoughts. It’s hard especially when you come to realize you can’t run, can’t hide, you can’t do anything but deal with it. Thats the hardest part in my opinion. To be continued. -Gracen Ray